I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
