OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
