they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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