girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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