This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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