Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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