I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
