I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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