I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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