Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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