life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
