Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
