never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
