My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
