I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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