Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
