thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
