I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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