how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
