batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
