Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
