i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize