I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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