my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
