I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
