Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
