make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
