i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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