My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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