I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
