the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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