It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
