Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
