I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
