i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
