Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
