For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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