Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
