who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
