she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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