They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
