I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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