biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
