wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
