thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
