...so i touched it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
