Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
