I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
