I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
