someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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