just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
