I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Four minutes until I can fart!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You pole danced in your parka.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
