I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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