Swine flu. Run for my life!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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