My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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