I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
