I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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