my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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