Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
