Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
