my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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