There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
