so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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