Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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