census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
