This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You can't special order awesome
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
