I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
