Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
