Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
