I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
