i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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