Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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