24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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