When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
