she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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